In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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