dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
