operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
