I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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