i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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