very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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