Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
