it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
