Got a toothbrush?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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