what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
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he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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