No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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