Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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