What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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