Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize