Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
