if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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