ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
