Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
