you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
