I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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