I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
