She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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