he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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