I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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