You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
