Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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