Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
