Where are you?
In a non slutty way
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
