just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
