Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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