If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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