Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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