i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
