I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
