Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So here I am, sexting at work.
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