I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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