just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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