My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
