Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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