I seem to have left my pride at pride
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
