I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
