so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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