Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need to calm my uterus...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
