what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
