Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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