just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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