I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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