the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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