Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
