he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
