I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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