So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
