I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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