Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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