I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
