He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
