I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
