I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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