I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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