I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do herpes really smell.
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My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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