I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
