Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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