I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
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so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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