Swine flu. Run for my life!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
