I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
