I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize