I could have mohawked her pubes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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