bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
All the doctor said was why
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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